I wondered how to share this message with all of you who will read it. I decided simply to tell it as it is and to give you an inside picture of my mind. That’s right… an inside picture of your Hypnotherapist's and Doula's mind…
On Saturday past, I felt strong urge to go straight home after “The Gathering” in Edinburgh. It's a gathering of Hypnotherapists from all over the UK and one who flew in from Spain to present a technique. It was a fantastic day and having been invited to join some colleagues from the south of England for a drink I thought 'Why Not?' ...immediately I said yes, then I became uncomfortable with my decision. I could not work out why ? Great day, great people, lots of laughter and learning. Why did I get that gut feeling that I had to go straight home to be with my husband?
I didn’t even stay to find the lovely woman and explain, I simply left A.S.A.P. I had to get home pronto…
On arriving home around 7pm, I found a poorly man, with a full-on headache, hot, flushed face. By 9pm he was staggering on his way up the stairs to bed. Through the night he refused to allow me to call the NHS (in hindsight I should have done so). By 10pm he thought we were on holiday and was confused, and I will spare you and him the rest of the gory details of that night. Suffice to say that it took a visit the next lunch time from a friend before he agreed to medical care.
His Blood Pressure was 80/54 and his pee was bright orange.
So, it has been a roller coaster ride since Saturday . Though I'm happy to say he is on the mend, big leaps forwards every day.
Antibiotics are my biggest friend right now, the truly save lives for some folks, do they not?
A brush with the fine line between life and death has taught me much.
How did I Cope?
It is indeed a wise thing to have coping mechanisms, when all else fails.
That old adage: 'Take a Day at a Time'. I didn’t allow myself to get too far ahead, after all I can only guess at the future, can I not? None of us really see the future, we imagine it though and if our imagination runs riot we get carried away… beginning with our fertile imaginations making up all sorts of outcomes, good or bad. So I knew to live it an hour, a day at a time. Have you ever thought on this…? When something happens which we don’t like, scares us, etc. and you say HOW MANY MORE TIMES must I / we go through this…the best response may be JUST ONE MORE TIME, you can do ONE MORE TIME, can you not? Just one more hour, day, week? Just one more time.
I trusted the doctors. The doctor in St Johns Hospital in Livingston, the doctor in Broxburn and I trusted the process that was happening inside his body when he was given antibiotics.
I was inquisitive, I questioned everything that I thought of, that was said, I wanted to learn, to know, what to do.
I knew it would pass, perhaps slowly, perhaps painfully, but it would pass, just like when I used to have a phobia of driving, flying and dying, yup I had all three at various stages in my life, can you imagine that?
I reached out to both friends and family. My own family and my husband’s family, I found supporting them and them supporting me was the best ever feeling. Talking to others helps at times.
It’s a good time to let bygones BE bygones too. Forgiving others frees up space within me, resenting festers inside and takes up too much time. Its Autumn, is it not? The time when leaves fall, the time when we prune our shrubs? So, sometimes it means we need to do an internal pruning too, and sometimes we need to prune our contacts, so I did some personal pruning and felt easier, stronger, more able to cope.
I counted my blessings, I named them one by one. 1005 days since we first met, 1005 days of laughter and companionship.
When my inner Chimp became restless and started screaming, I started breathing, breathing in slowly and out even slower, it calmed my troubled mind, actually I used the breathing exercises that I teach my Doula Mums and that I teach in Hypnobirthing / Antenatal classes. It soothed my anxiety, calmed my soul. Worrying about the situation would not change it, dealing with it, doing what I could do and staying positive would help, and it did.
So, where am I at now?
In a place of being, calm, confident and in control… I have become contented that all is being done that can be done.
I know that Life is uncertain, there are no guarantees…
I know that Life is too short to hold grudges.
I know we can all choose how to be with others and in certain situations.
I can be as prepared as I can for life’s uncertainties so that I can get on with the business of appreciating and enjoying every day as it comes.
I leave you with the insight that I wasn’t always so able to cope with adversity, I learned to cope. If any of you reading this wish to deal with any fears or phobias or general anxiety that is making your life more stressed than it needs to be; if you wish to become calm, confident and in control; if you wish to be supported in change, changing perspective, changing behaviours, then contact me and let's have a chat.
And finally…Today and all your tomorrows
Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything, and HAVE NO REGRETS, LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be anything but HAPPY !
PS. Trust your gut instinct. I was needed at home...